When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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