I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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