why didn't you poke me back
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
