No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
