Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
