Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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