i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
