It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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