Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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