We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize