I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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