Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
