carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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