after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
