What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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