Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
