That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
