Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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