took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
