She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
