awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
