It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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