Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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