Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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