fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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