Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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