she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
