Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
