I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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