2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
