Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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