If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
