when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
