My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
