when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
