I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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