look no pants
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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