Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
