can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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