Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
