I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
