literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
