while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
