just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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