If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize