This girl is more easily done than said...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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