I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just had sex on a roof
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
