yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
