I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
