ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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