I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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