My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
