im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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