Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.

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(917): View more from New York City

i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab

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(415): View more from California

I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?

(510): View more from California

I hope so

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(407): View more from Florida

I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.

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(586): View more from Michigan

i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....

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(248): View more from Michigan

Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.

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(210): View more from Texas

your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.

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