wat bout pragnant strippers??
she smelled like a LAN party
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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