is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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