I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
