i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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