Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
