meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
