Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
