She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize