nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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