I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
