literally had 100 drinks last night.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
