I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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