she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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