I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
