Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
